Inflexible, stubborn, bossy, controlling. These are phrases used to describe a strong-willed child, but that may not necessarily be correct. Strong-willed children can be easily misunderstood and labeled as rebels. The first thing parents must understand is having a strong-willed toddler doesn’t mean that you are doing bad at parenting, or that you have an ill-behaved child. In fact, research has shown that strong-willed kids are often world changers, their tenacious little spirit reflects their future for they are naturally born leaders.
We’ve rounded up a number of ways you can adjust your normal parenting to accommodate your little one unshakable spirit;
- Give him choices.
Putting your child in charge of little decisions like when to do homework, what to wear can help you maintain your peace of mind. Identify and master the common power struggles your strong-willed has, take advantage and hand off some control. Giving your headstrong the power to choose means that you are creating A Decision-Rich Environment; thus boosting positive power and helping him to develop a strong sense of internal motivation.
Note, do not give orders, but offer choices both of you can live with!
- Give him respect and empathy
Experiencing an endless stream of meltdowns and tantrums is what you’ll get when you hesitate to show your strong-willed child empathy and some respect. Keep in mind that children also do have emotions and when they begin to challenge you; try putting on a more empathetic hat. Step into his shoes and take on his worldview.
Physically come down to his level, and offer an understanding statement that labels and validates his big feelings, let him know that you understand his feelings and offer a solution immediately.
Avoid talking down to them, speak to them the way you’d like to be spoken to this boost their esteem!
- Focus on solving the problem and not punishment
Discipline through the relationship and never through punishment. Strong-willed children mostly have a powerful sense of independence and most parents tend to mistake it for defiance and misbehavior, thus looking for punishment immediately. For as much as raising this high-spirited child can seem very embarrassing at times, understand that punishing them comes with a lot of emotional baggage.
Whatever it is you are trying to solve, dig deep, and figure out some solutions to try. He’ll cooperate when he knows that you understand him and that you are not against him. Remember that the more you fight with your child, the more you reduce his desire to protect the warm connection with you.
- Connect with your child.
When your child is in one of his “Horrible” characters, it is the exact time that he needs you to guide, coach and teach him. It is at this stage that you should connect more with your strong-willed child because until they feel connected they won’t accept guidance. Do not ignore him, instead be interested to know what you can do to help, let them also express their feelings and ask him what his emotions are and try to connect with him that time while offering solutions.
Connection will always be the most effective way to influence your strong-willed child.
- Listen to your child
A Strong-willed child will always hold tight to what she’s saying and protect what seems important to her until she’s heard. All she wants from you is a listening ear, attention, and response. Them shouting your name out loud only means they want you to pay attention to what they are saying. You can simply avoid clashes by reflecting on everything your child is communicating to you!
Final NOTE; Study has shown that children who were labeled defiant, bossy aggressive, etc., were most likely to become overachieving and financially successful adults, whence do not be mean instead positively nurture your child’s high-spirited character and set her for her future success.
