Sibling rivalry is a common occurrence in many family, blood related or not. It is the state of competitiveness, conflict, jealousy and argument among siblings for attention or recognition. Siblings spend a significant amount of time together than they do with their parents.
As a child grows they develop independence and would want to set themselves apart from other siblings. This causes the rivalry between them.
There are some ways to deal with sibling rivalry including:
- Practicing fairness.
Fairness is not equality. Jealousy brews among siblings in cases where they feel unfairly treated. Equality is also not the way. Each child is an individual with their own individual needs that need to be attended to.
- Give attention to each sibling at a time.
The major cause of sibling rivalry being attention seeking, create time to be attentive to each child at a time. Plan undisrupted intentional time for each child where within this time, they are in charge. This time will give all the attention they have been conflicting for.
- Recognize individuality among siblings.
Focus on their personal strengths. Sometimes children strive for individuality to be set apart from their siblings. Siblings are less likely to be in conflict if they are appreciated as individuals.
- Offer solutions and conflict resolution.
Come up with solutions to solve the conflict at hand. For instance, have a list of rules when engaging with the other sibling. These family rules may include, no hitting, no verbal abuse and asking before using the other person’s items, solving conflicts by words not blows et cetera.
- Avoid or lessen comparison.
Each child is an individual and therefore comparison does more harm than good. Ensure each child is treated as an individual in dependence to their needs.
- Ignore the squabble.
Sometimes, ignoring the conflict is a solution. Let the siblings try and solve it on their own without the parents’ attention. Working it out on their own may help them in terms of improving their social skills.
- Intervene in the dispute.
When the rivalry is unsolvable this is where the parent comes in to try and solve the dispute. Let each one take a turn in explaining their side of the dispute. This way, a parent is validating their feelings and practicing listening. Especially when physical harm is involved, intervening to break off the conflict is important. A parent could also teach the kids how to stop the squabbles by giving them space away from each other for a while.
- Encourage kindness.
Let them know that is important to be empathetic and kind to their siblings. The most effective way is to practice these values and create an example to the children. Another way is to recognize and reward them if they demonstrate these values too.
Sibling rivalry is unavoidable but controllable. As a parent, patience is of utmost importance when dealing with sibling rivalry. In some instances, sibling rivalry is said to have a positive effect on the early development of a child.
